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Blueline,
Congratulations! You have gone over a few mountains and across some difficult deserts to get where you are. You have gone through the very worst.
Any chance you can get some spiritual / psychological counseling under the comp program? It's not that you are crazy or anything like that. It's just that what you've been through and experienced can be a powerful catalyst in your personal life . . . . You might as well get all you can.
Good luck,
Buzz
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