[2stop]

I have wondered why those voices wanted to sabotage us so badly. I still don't understand why, I'm sure there is some mumbo jumbo psychology to explain it, but it seems so illogical that we would turn on ourselves with self-defeating thoughts the moment any goodness or joy was entered into our lives. Maybe it's the whole good vs. evil thing that so many movies play off of, But I am learning for me I just have to have higher inventory of healthy, happy thoughts than I have stock of the negative thoughts. Lately I pay more attention to what I read, what movies I watch-even reading the newspaper everday seems to bring me down, so I read it less and look for hopeful stories in the news. It seems so many times that we do have a grand conspiracy going on in our heads to annihilate ourselves any chance we are presented..but I really think it is the way we conditioned ourselves, the way we internalized shame in our lives and I believe shame has the biggest appetite on the planet-so when I quit feeding it all my shame-based thoughts I am more in a position to enter worthy thoughts and life-affirming thoughts.
Lilya, I know it is so hard to work through all this stuff, but I can see you working through it and I think you're doing good!
Have a splendid trip to Italy and remember you are worthy of all the grand things life has to offer!!