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Anthony100 · 08-27-2006, 05:22 PM

Prior to joining AA nearly two months ago, I had been drinking almost every evening for the past 8 years. It started off with just a few drinks a night and over the years got progressively worse to the point that I was binge drinking. I would buy what I thought would be enough alcohol to get me through the evening, only to find I was rushing out for more supplies before the shop closed.
I tried to cut down or stop on numerous occasions and only succeeded for a couple of days until the urge to drink came back again.
In the last couple of years of my drinking, I found I was drinking more quickly than I used to and experienced black outs on a more frequent basis. Sometimes the black outs would start earlier during a drinking session. I also found that on some days, I was drinking earlier in the evening and as early as lunchtime at holidays and weekends.
Because most of my drinking took place alone at home, many of my family and friends were unaware that I had a problem. Many of them I would drink with socially at their homes or at the pub where I seemed to have control over my drinking. As long as I had a supply of alcohol available when I returned home, I was able to relax. Otherwise, I would be watching the clock and making excuses to leave early so I could get to the shop before closing time. Either that or I would be secretly worried about where I could get another drink. I would be preoccupied with how much wine was left in the bottle or when last orders were called out at the bar. If no more alcohol was available for me when I wanted it, I would feel anxious and frustrated.
Some of my friends were very surprised that I decided to join AA. They insist, even today, that I cannot be an alcoholic because it appeared to them that I was able to control my drinking.
It has often been said in AA that an alcoholic loses control after taking the first drink. Whilst it is obvious to me that I had lost control of my drinking when alone at home, it does not always seem to have been the case when drinking with family and friends. The craving/preoccupation with alcohol was certainly there, but not (as I see it) a complete lack of control.
Whilst AA membership is open to anyone who has a desire to stop drinking, the 12 step programme, which I have been encouraged to work through with a sponsor, requires an admission of total powerlessness over alcohol - ie. an alcoholic who has lost total control over their drinking. Whilst I have no problem with identifying myself as an alcoholic and wish to remain sober (I have been so for nearly a month now), I need to know whether I am truly an alcoholic before committing myself to the 12 step programme.
Sorry that I haven’t explained this as well as I could, but I would be grateful for your insight and comments. Thank you.

08-27-2006, 05:22 PM	#6 (permalink)
Anthony100 Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 5	Am I Alcoholic? Prior to joining AA nearly two months ago, I had been drinking almost every evening for the past 8 years. It started off with just a few drinks a night and over the years got progressively worse to the point that I was binge drinking. I would buy what I thought would be enough alcohol to get me through the evening, only to find I was rushing out for more supplies before the shop closed. I tried to cut down or stop on numerous occasions and only succeeded for a couple of days until the urge to drink came back again. In the last couple of years of my drinking, I found I was drinking more quickly than I used to and experienced black outs on a more frequent basis. Sometimes the black outs would start earlier during a drinking session. I also found that on some days, I was drinking earlier in the evening and as early as lunchtime at holidays and weekends. Because most of my drinking took place alone at home, many of my family and friends were unaware that I had a problem. Many of them I would drink with socially at their homes or at the pub where I seemed to have control over my drinking. As long as I had a supply of alcohol available when I returned home, I was able to relax. Otherwise, I would be watching the clock and making excuses to leave early so I could get to the shop before closing time. Either that or I would be secretly worried about where I could get another drink. I would be preoccupied with how much wine was left in the bottle or when last orders were called out at the bar. If no more alcohol was available for me when I wanted it, I would feel anxious and frustrated. Some of my friends were very surprised that I decided to join AA. They insist, even today, that I cannot be an alcoholic because it appeared to them that I was able to control my drinking. It has often been said in AA that an alcoholic loses control after taking the first drink. Whilst it is obvious to me that I had lost control of my drinking when alone at home, it does not always seem to have been the case when drinking with family and friends. The craving/preoccupation with alcohol was certainly there, but not (as I see it) a complete lack of control. Whilst AA membership is open to anyone who has a desire to stop drinking, the 12 step programme, which I have been encouraged to work through with a sponsor, requires an admission of total powerlessness over alcohol - ie. an alcoholic who has lost total control over their drinking. Whilst I have no problem with identifying myself as an alcoholic and wish to remain sober (I have been so for nearly a month now), I need to know whether I am truly an alcoholic before committing myself to the 12 step programme. Sorry that I haven’t explained this as well as I could, but I would be grateful for your insight and comments. Thank you.