[Lilya]

Life is interesting. I lost one third of my income, but my lawyer called me today to tell me I won a lawsuit against an insurance company. After years of struggle, all of a sudden I can weigh the pros and con of a new job, perfectly at ease. I got quite excited, called up various brokers and asked friends about the best investments.

Then all of a sudden I got depressed like I´d been hit with a car. I felt worthless, useless and undeserving. I recognize it for what it is: it´s the voice of depression who starts talking the minute something good happens or if I´m vulnerable. It doesn´t help that I put on bad make-up for the 14th of July and got serious allergy so my face is covered with blisters. As luck would have it, poetic justice as well, I ran into an old highschool sweetheart in the metro, who is now a priest. That was a lesson in humility. I was on the way to my doctor in downtown Paris, who told me I would have these blisters for some time. :p I didn´t feel like going to an AA meeting because the pharmacien commented on how bad this looks as I bought the medicin the doctor prescribed. Instead I chose to post here.

I will surrender to this feeling, I know it shall pass and I´ll be giving myself positive self-talk. It´s quite difficult though and I´m still tender from my experience in the Ravensbrock camp near Berlin. How do you cope with the voice in your head who creates that sinking, low feeling?

Love and light,

Use adversity