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To understand an alcoholic or addicts mind is to enter a world full of obsession and the inability to control or stop those obsessions. When I was drinking, that's all I thought about. My mind revolved on when I was going to drink, where I was going to drink, how much I'd be able to get to drink, etc. My brain was absolutely obsessed. I couldn't think of anything until I was drinking. Then I'd start thinking about how could I get more.
People drink for all sorts of reasons...mine was escape. I wanted to feel good. I didn't want to feel the shame and anger I felt. I didn't want to feel the hopelessness and pain. The more I drank the less in control I was of dealing with how I felt. I didn't realize that. Soon, I was extremely suicidal and wnated nothing more than the pain of drinking to stop and the pain of life to stop. I was willing to do anything to do that...sobriety, after many attempts with AA finally, I succeeded. Now granted, I didn't have years and years of drinking behind me.
I began drinking at 15, introduced to AA at 16. Relapsed 6 months later, back to AA. Stayed dry for another 4ish months, drank for 2 months (while going to AA). Eventually things came together, ended up in treatment, and then I had a desire TO STOP. I BELIEVED and KNEW that I am an alcoholic.
Alcoholism takes away your life, AA gives back your life. However, all his trips to AA are not in vain. I guarantee you that he has learned things each time he has gone and that the seed has been planted. When his time for sobriety is right, he will do the work he needs to stay sober.
Throwing away our lives...yea, I remember that. I frankly didn't care. Drinking was more important. The legal system couldn't do anything to punish me as badly as the way I was already punishing myself. The only thing I feared was inadvertantly killing someone while driving. Thankfully, I didn't.
If you'd like to understand the disease of alcoholism better, read the Big Book. You might better understand us by reading that. Lots of great info.
I'd also suggest going to Al-Anon meetings. You can learn how to care for yourself and detach from the obsession of getting him better. I'm so grateful my mom went to Al-Anon.
Take care, God bless.
Jen
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