Don't think I have "met" you before..but it is really good you have come back here to talk..
It does sound like you have a lot of pain...
I'm glad you are taking your meds.
Have you told your Doctor that you had to start cutting again??
I have Bi-Polar - but I have never had to cut..I have a friend that did though..So I do understand about making the pain go away.
I hope you come back to Sober Recovery to talk some more.
I think there will be more people who come here that understand..

Janni
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Honest, Openminded & Willing
IT WORKS !!
(Ch 5 Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous)