[RX-7]

Didnt think i would be wrighting in here for a lot longer but this is what these forums are for i pose. It has been just a little over a year since i stoped cutting my self. so much has gone on in the last few months. I have almost drowned twice in the snake river while i was out fishing. my best freind got sick with bronkitice and i tryed to get him to go to the er because he was bad he wanted me to ask his mom for him, i lost it and sied "what do i have to do make all your choices for you" welll by then we were in his house(he is only 18 by the way yet i treated him as an equil) he waited till i was in front of his mom to get in my face and tell me to get out of his house or he was going to be the f out of me, i having had my meds stood there calmly and let it go and told him again that he needed to go to the docter he then told me if i didnt get out he was going to kill me, i was not intimidated at all and just stood there and told him to go right ahead and if his mom had not been there he would probably have tryed. it hurt our freind ship of cource theough of some odd reason i keep trying to make things better between us , his mom made him apologise he is mad because he felt that i treated him like a was a child which i hadnt. before all this i had given him a computer it worked good then he wanted me to fix something he screwed up on it the other day i told him no so he took it out and gave it back to me and again told me to get out. so i wet home fixed it and put in a cdw/rw anbd gave it back to him he was like ge thanks and threw it on his bed. i was deeply hurt and all this finnally cought up with me. my heart hurt so bad that i had to get rid of the pain the only way i new how and i cut the heck out of my arms and legs. but my heart feels alot less pain then it did.
I have hurt alot of freinds but always heart felt my opologies, there is a freind here that i have hurt badly and in reality that is why i no longer come to this web site because i do not want to hurt her she is my freind. the few freinds that i have in my life i hold close she is one that i wish i could but cant because it would hurt her.but regardless i think of her often.
i finaly got my adoption recourds and have just petittiond the court to let me reopen my files so i can find my medical recourds and siblings.
still waiting on my suit with ssi and wondering whats going on there my wife is going to call the attorny tomarrow and find out what he knows.
and my 15 month old just started walking well i should say cruising.
as for the cutting now that it has started again i hope i can keep it at bay.
thanks for listning to my balsom. Ryan