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When I first came into AA the word God was foreign to me. I felt uncomfortable around people who made a lot of reference to God. Outside of AA when people talked that way I wanted to run. It was no different in AA. I felt the same, but I needed to get sober. I wanted it and needed it. At my first meeting when the chair asked if a member would lead us in the lord's prayer, my mind was racing. I about ran for the door. I had no idea that AA was like that. I did not want to be a part of any religious association. I know I have mentioned this before, but I sarcastically thought to myself as I entered the circle of intertwined hands, what's next? A rousing chorus of Kumbyah?
I kept going back because of my urgency for sobriety. I learned to put my differences behind me and was willing to open my mind to the whole concept of a HP. I felt awkward, but was desperate to change my life. I was told that believing in a HP would help. I was willing to have faith and hope. I had nothing else to hold on to, but hope. I took it and ran with it. What did I have to lose? Not a thing, not a thing at all.
I've come to know and rely on my HP. I choose to call my HP God. My life has change immensely since I have accepted a new way of thinking and living. If I hadn't have been an alcoholic, I never would have discovered my HP and found a special security and inner peace in knowing that I will be provided for. I truly believe that.
I try not to push my belief on other people. I remember how fragile I was when I first came into AA and how I wanted to head for the hills when God was mentioned. I try to avoid using that word with newcomers. It can be a scary word when you are unfamiliar with it. I want to allow newcomers to get a better understanding of the concept and how it works in the program. If and when they are ready, they will grab onto the concept and a whole new world will open up to them.
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