SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

Ghost Dog · 08-19-2006, 11:38 AM

This is something I've been dealing with since I was seventeen, ever since I experienced a marijuana-induced psychosis (complete dissociation, hallucinations, and a sense of terror and dread I can't possibly describe in human words) that landed me in the emergency room. After that I fell into about six months of crushing depression, alongside a persistent phobia of falling back into that psychosis. The depression alleviated and has come and gone since (the last bout was in late 2004 and eventually triggered my alcoholic disease which I'm now in recovery from), but one thing that has been persistent despite whatever my current mood may be is my knawing phobia of insanity. I've spoken with psychiatrists and therapists. One doctor felt my problem was that I was highly neurotic. Others have labeled me Bipolar I or Bipolar II, which I don't feel really describes me as I've never really had a manic or even hypomanic phase. PTSD was another label I got, which probably makes more sense considering I have obsessed on that day I went mad every single day for the past five years, to varying degrees.

Regardless, these 12 steps don't seem to help with the constant fear and anxiety this obsession causes me. It doesn't effect my job and no one I hang out with ever really seems to notice, but internally I almost always feel like I'm on the brink of a breakdown. It's never actually happened, but no one can convince me that it's all in my head and that I won't actually lose it. I don't know who to see about it. I've become weary of the psychiatric field ever since my bipolar diagnosis and getting overmedicated a couple years back. Since then I've been on no medication and have been dealing with it pretty much by myself. I hate it though, and I fear it'll cause me to relapse sooner or later if I don't get it sorted out. Can someone lend me some advice on this specific obsession/phobia? Thanks.

08-19-2006, 11:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ghost Dog Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: San Angelo, TX Posts: 24	Fear of Insanity This is something I've been dealing with since I was seventeen, ever since I experienced a marijuana-induced psychosis (complete dissociation, hallucinations, and a sense of terror and dread I can't possibly describe in human words) that landed me in the emergency room. After that I fell into about six months of crushing depression, alongside a persistent phobia of falling back into that psychosis. The depression alleviated and has come and gone since (the last bout was in late 2004 and eventually triggered my alcoholic disease which I'm now in recovery from), but one thing that has been persistent despite whatever my current mood may be is my knawing phobia of insanity. I've spoken with psychiatrists and therapists. One doctor felt my problem was that I was highly neurotic. Others have labeled me Bipolar I or Bipolar II, which I don't feel really describes me as I've never really had a manic or even hypomanic phase. PTSD was another label I got, which probably makes more sense considering I have obsessed on that day I went mad every single day for the past five years, to varying degrees. Regardless, these 12 steps don't seem to help with the constant fear and anxiety this obsession causes me. It doesn't effect my job and no one I hang out with ever really seems to notice, but internally I almost always feel like I'm on the brink of a breakdown. It's never actually happened, but no one can convince me that it's all in my head and that I won't actually lose it. I don't know who to see about it. I've become weary of the psychiatric field ever since my bipolar diagnosis and getting overmedicated a couple years back. Since then I've been on no medication and have been dealing with it pretty much by myself. I hate it though, and I fear it'll cause me to relapse sooner or later if I don't get it sorted out. Can someone lend me some advice on this specific obsession/phobia? Thanks.