[upanddownjj]

Thanks doll...The cycle starts again !! Woke up feeling great !!!..Now I just don't want to go out to do the things I need to do..I have left out part of my story..I have been caring for my ex fiance who had a VERY severe Stroke 3 yrs ago..I lived with him until I almost cracked up and by that time he was pretty self sufficient..He had come out of the wheelchair learned to walk and was learning to talk again & dealing with his rt side paralysis..(49 when had stoke - jock)..Well now he has severe seizures and is the sleep apnea record holder (4 mins ) and his low oxygen has set him back so far that the improvement he made on his speach is going backwards...I have always been his medical advocate 'cause I'm the only one who understqands him...He has a sister who never helped - even when I begged her for respite when I was living with him.The bottom line was when My sponsor and other mentors told me I had to get out - He would not write a will - figured it would jinx him and he would die...I'd be left hi & dry (he was supporting me 'cause I couldn't work AND care for him)..Anyway - I got better for a while - working again, bought a new vehicle, went to Mexico for a break.Came home in March to find him in this horrible condition with his apnea and noone doing anything about it..So 3-4 Specialists appts/week..Care-taking, Care-taking & suckd right back in..
I just can't walk away fm him in this condition...Now I feel really trapped again because he has been paying my rent & car pmts so I owe him $$$ and I am so burned out & depressed I just can't get my but in gear to go dig up work..I just want to stay home & hide...Meanwhile I'm lying to him - telling him - Oh yes, I went to the office today....I hate myself !!!!!
I"M TRAPPED and I feel I just have to sell a house to get out of this mess, but can't get the energy...My Doc is back fm holidays , but I can't get in till the 11th..I've asked for a cxlation...even he says I have to get out...But how can I..I can't just LEAVE HIM ALONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Janni