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Well, two times in the last 3 weeks, I've seriously considered suicide. What's shocking to me is that it's the first time in over 12 years. I'm in such a state.. I mean I'm fairly sure that I'll be ok, because I have an inate quality to talk myself off of any and every ledge, but..... there are times when I just don't want to. I don't want to be that strong for myself, I want to feel what I feel and have someone else be that strong for me, is that bad?
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I have been there many many times the last 7 months, I was there last night.
I am still there tonight. What keeps me from giving in? I don't know....but I am still here. I try to take it one day at a time, if I focus on more than that I get too overwhelmed and that makes me want to give up anymore.
What kept me alive last night? I admit I gave into some of my "unhealthy" coping habits, but I also took my meds early and went to bed. Sleep always helps. I slept for over 13 hours.
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The only person I have to turn to right now is so busy blaming me for this whole incident,
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He is not the only person you have to turn to.....you have us here. It may not be as good, but we are here and you are not alone. We won't blame you for anything, we won't call you names, we will be "strong" for you. Don't give in yet........do what you need to to stay safe tonight. Don't worry about the next 5 days, just stay safe tonight, right now. Find something funny on TV, grab some ice cream, crawl into your nice comfy bed and lock the world out for awhile. Just hang on for tonight. That's all you have to do, and I will do the same!