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shutterbug · 08-01-2006, 06:27 PM

hi...sounds very parallel to my relationship with my own father who I recently cut off from my life - again!

I think it's the alcoholism...actually, I'm most positive about it. The last time I spoke to him, I was attempting to give him another chance from the last time he had hurt me very badly. A story much like yours, except mine involved my ex (and a friend of his) who was nearly the end of me...and who I was obsessingly in love with. My father knows more than most how hard of a time I had pulling myself away from.

Now, on more than one occation...my dad has continued to tell me stories about what my ex has been up to (or what his girlfriend, the other woman in my story, has been doing). Time after time, I have politely asked him not to talk about these 2 people around me...it's too painful and makes me want to run back to him.

Well...this last time, I asked my dad repeatedly in the same few minutes of time and he blatently ignored me and continued as if not too care (but I know his alcoholic mind is so diseased that he truely wasn't even aware of what I had said to him -- he's too wrapped up in his self and HIS life to listen to anyone else). Anyway, it hurt very bad. And I said I was going to leave. Mind you , I didn't mention anything or let on how upset I was. Well, he said he'd walk me out. In conversation, he began bringing up issues from when I was a teenager that he had with another ex...and how wrong "I" was and still am....blah, blah, blah....

He was oblivious to ANYTHING i was saying to him and I had enough and went off on him, jumped in my car and told him to F OFF!!!

That was about 6 months ago....he still hasn't appojized, but instead handed me a letter one day in passing that basically said I was the one still wrong.

No time...I have NO time to put up with people like this...I don't care who they are. I am much better without the black clouds of drama my dad brings into my life.

With your father...well, he may be sober, but he will always be an alcoholic with all the ism's of a non-sober one unless he works VERY hard to overcome those ism's.

My best advice to you is call up your local AA groups and ask them to refer you to some Alanon meetings...then go to them as many times a week as you possibly can. Not only to learn how to deal with your father's disease, but to learn how to deal with the co-dependency issues his drinking has caused to develop in you throughout your life.

Through Alanon, I learned that ALL my relationships (past and present) suffered from my family's drinking histories. But mostly, I learned that "I" was suffering. Now, I refuse to suffer at the hands of alcholism no more!

In short, No, absolutely not. You are NOT being overly sensative. Those comments are just an alcholics way of taking the blame off himself and putting it onto you (falsly).

NO ONE EVER HAS A RIGHT TO COMMENT ABOUT YOUR BODY!!! Your body is absolutely NONE of their business!

Pulling myself out of my father's toxic life has lightened my load a great deal...even witht he guilt trips from family members and all...it's so much easier being happy and healthy (and being me) without him making me feel worthless.

sorry for the rant...touchy subject for me...I just wanted you to know that I've been there too and it's not fun, but that we each are responsible for placing boundries on what we will put up with (and what we won't) from the people in our lives.

Look at it this way: If the person truely cares about us then they will listen to our requests and respect our boundries. If they continue hurting us even after we have pointed out their actions or words...then they arn't worth our time, love and energy. Better to give it to those who will cherish it than those who toss it aside as it suits them.

Love yourself and expect the same from everyone else in your life.

08-01-2006, 06:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,947 Blog Entries: 5	hi...sounds very parallel to my relationship with my own father who I recently cut off from my life - again! I think it's the alcoholism...actually, I'm most positive about it. The last time I spoke to him, I was attempting to give him another chance from the last time he had hurt me very badly. A story much like yours, except mine involved my ex (and a friend of his) who was nearly the end of me...and who I was obsessingly in love with. My father knows more than most how hard of a time I had pulling myself away from. Now, on more than one occation...my dad has continued to tell me stories about what my ex has been up to (or what his girlfriend, the other woman in my story, has been doing). Time after time, I have politely asked him not to talk about these 2 people around me...it's too painful and makes me want to run back to him. Well...this last time, I asked my dad repeatedly in the same few minutes of time and he blatently ignored me and continued as if not too care (but I know his alcoholic mind is so diseased that he truely wasn't even aware of what I had said to him -- he's too wrapped up in his self and HIS life to listen to anyone else). Anyway, it hurt very bad. And I said I was going to leave. Mind you , I didn't mention anything or let on how upset I was. Well, he said he'd walk me out. In conversation, he began bringing up issues from when I was a teenager that he had with another ex...and how wrong "I" was and still am....blah, blah, blah.... He was oblivious to ANYTHING i was saying to him and I had enough and went off on him, jumped in my car and told him to F OFF!!! That was about 6 months ago....he still hasn't appojized, but instead handed me a letter one day in passing that basically said I was the one still wrong. No time...I have NO time to put up with people like this...I don't care who they are. I am much better without the black clouds of drama my dad brings into my life. With your father...well, he may be sober, but he will always be an alcoholic with all the ism's of a non-sober one unless he works VERY hard to overcome those ism's. My best advice to you is call up your local AA groups and ask them to refer you to some Alanon meetings...then go to them as many times a week as you possibly can. Not only to learn how to deal with your father's disease, but to learn how to deal with the co-dependency issues his drinking has caused to develop in you throughout your life. Through Alanon, I learned that ALL my relationships (past and present) suffered from my family's drinking histories. But mostly, I learned that "I" was suffering. Now, I refuse to suffer at the hands of alcholism no more! In short, No, absolutely not. You are NOT being overly sensative. Those comments are just an alcholics way of taking the blame off himself and putting it onto you (falsly). NO ONE EVER HAS A RIGHT TO COMMENT ABOUT YOUR BODY!!! Your body is absolutely NONE of their business! Pulling myself out of my father's toxic life has lightened my load a great deal...even witht he guilt trips from family members and all...it's so much easier being happy and healthy (and being me) without him making me feel worthless. sorry for the rant...touchy subject for me...I just wanted you to know that I've been there too and it's not fun, but that we each are responsible for placing boundries on what we will put up with (and what we won't) from the people in our lives. Look at it this way: If the person truely cares about us then they will listen to our requests and respect our boundries. If they continue hurting us even after we have pointed out their actions or words...then they arn't worth our time, love and energy. Better to give it to those who will cherish it than those who toss it aside as it suits them. Love yourself and expect the same from everyone else in your life. __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).