Everyone wants to believe themselves to be authentic. We are like the Velveteen Rabbit, who only wanted to be real, which meant to be loved. It does not seem possible that anyone would cherish the idea of being false or unreal. But are we? It seems that many who are in recovery from addictions are self-deceived. Perhaps it goes beyond that, as is believed by a great number of people, to a social construct that creates mass deception on a large scale. In an election year, there are many who believe that politicians are marketers of the snake oil of social distortion and indiscriminant dishonesty. Are we capable of being authentic in such an environment?

While truth can be variable and changing, as is the Universe we inhabit, authenticity is a principle that goes beyond truth to the core of each one of us. We can be authentic from within ourselves by knowing who we are and what we will and will not stand for. Our authentic nature will then come from the stance we take in our personal lives. Do we know ourselves? This is a process that never seems to have an ending point, but do we “walk our talk” as the saying in 12-step groups goes? Are we willing to be unpopular for not going along with the crowd when it does not feel right for us? Do we have the moral fiber to be completely honest with ourselves, the inner circle of friends and family, and let the pieces fall where they may when it does not fit with the majority opinion?

Authenticity does not mean that we fly in the face of opposition or become defensive about our beliefs. More, it means that we honor them by NOT becoming boisterous or argumentative about them. We do not need to publish them in our personal blog or on Facebook to let the world know. Authenticity is quiet and understated, as a principle. It is a quality that does not need to be broadcast. It means that we walk through the world according to the moral and ethical values that lie in our hearts, not our heads. We live what we believe and let the world around us see and watch our behaviors and attitudes become actions that are directly in line with what we believe.

If we state that we are in favor of an idea or belief, we need to behave in ways that show the world what we believe. They do not hear our words when our actions are in direct conflict with them. The old saying, “Actions speak louder than words” is quite true. The world will judge us on what we do, not what we say. So we must align our actions and behaviors with our beliefs to develop true authenticity.

We also must learn to remain honest with others in our day to day interactions with them. If we are being less than forthcoming about something, others are sure to pick up on our dishonorable words and behaviors. If you are going to tell someone that they are important to you, be sure to show them in your behaviors and actions. It will not be authentic if they know you are saying things to placate or get something over on them. An authentic person is kind enough to be honest with others, even when it is difficult. A true friend will let someone know when they are unhappy with or disinterested in them. While it may not be the best news, it will always be the truth, and therefore, authentic.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

We’ve all heard the saying,  “laughter is the best medicine.” This is especially true in certain settings, where we see that a sense of humor may get one through uncertain and even terrifying circumstances. Remember Norman Cousins, who laughed himself well when diagnosed with terminal cancer? Today there are clinics where laughter, induced by comedic routines, joke tellers, clowns and other laughter inciting therapies are a regular part of the treatment provided. Benefits are seen by cancer survivors and many others who are suffering and need to reframe their experience to gain insight and benefits otherwise not used in conventional hospital, therapeutic, and treatment settings.

Addicts, too, can benefit from developing a sense of humor. Prone to being overly dramatic and self-important, it is seen that several popular myths in Alcoholics Anonymous are beneficial to reminding addicts to remain “right-sized” in working through their recovery issues and those that come up often during the course of their ongoing abstinence. One of the most surprising phenomena in Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step program meetings is that of the laughter that is present during the telling of their tragic episodes while participating in their active addiction. This is a common statement by those who first walk into the rooms and are able to stay abstinent. The way that they feel when walking into the meetings for the first few times is incongruent to their subsequent experience when they hear other addicts sharing their stories with the group, and hearing the laughter that is evoked by their identification with the stories.

A story that is told in Alcoholics Anonymous is that there is a book called “Rule 62.” Many times, members will say to one another, “Remember Rule 62,” especially when a sponsor hears a recovering addict predict gloom and doom in situations that will probably work out just fine. The story states that the book “Rule 62” is full of blank pages, with a single page in the middle of the book that says: “Do not take yourself so seriously.” This then, is Rule 62. The negative mindset of the addict can be a definite detriment to recovery for the addict. They tend to remember the horrors of their past and believe that they are doomed to continue to repeat those behaviors. It is important to constantly remind them that they are in recovery to change those parts of their behaviors and lifestyles that contributed to that horror. Therefore, unbeknownst to them, but commonly seen in the meetings of recovering addicts, the outcomes of their behaviors will bring about new and different results, usually in seemingly (and unquestionably) miraculous ways!

Being able to laugh at oneself is an important feature. When they learn to not believe what they think is happening, and to laugh at the heavy dramatic frame they place life in, they are well on their way to recovering a new attitude and belief about themselves, their true place in the world, and how to fit into that place. They remember to remain in expectation of different outcomes due to different behaviors, and maybe just a little less stressed out about what is coming for them next.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

Steps 8 and 9 in the 12-step programs talk about “…making a list of all persons we had harmed…” in step 8, and “…making direct amends, wherever possible…” in step 9. This is confusing for many addicts in their early recovery. Sponsors who have worked through these steps and have maintained abstinence for many years are just as puzzled and confused about what constitutes an “amends.”

Because they frequently apologized for their words, behaviors, attitudes, and addictions in the past, many are prone to look at amends as another round of apologies they need to make to those they have harmed. This is not in the nature of these steps, nor is it what the founders of the 12-step movement intended to pass along to those who were to follow. If apologies meant anything to those who have been burned by the selfishness and inconsideration of active addiction, it would have worked when first performed by the chronic addict. Of course they never did anything about the behaviors that were being apologized for. They continued to lie, cheat, steal, and forget about everyone and everything in their path, except the procuring and using and behaviors necessary to maintain their addiction.

Since apologies are not what is meant by these steps, just what is an “amends” anyway? According to Dictionary.com, amend can mean a) to alter, modify, rephrase, or add to or subtract from (a motion, bill, constitution, etc.) by formal procedure; b) to change for the better; improve; c) to remove or correct faults. So it is seen that nowhere in these definitions is the word apology listed. So it is important to understand the language of recovery and make sure that what is being taught is what is truly being learned. By changing for the better, as listed in b), it is thought that this is the best definition for purposes of amending ones’ addicted behaviors. Therefore, if an addict is guilty of lying to his wife and children, boss, parents, friends and other family members, perhaps his best way of amending that behavior is to practice telling the truth to them under any and all circumstances. Other amends will involve paying back stolen money and taking time to spend with neglected family members and friends who are hurt by the neglect of selfish addicts.

Many addicts will defend themselves by saying they only hurt themselves in active addiction. This is just not the case. Even living on a deserted island, there is universal ramification for every behavior. If they drove while under the influence, they owe amends for that by not doing that particular behavior any longer. If they worked anywhere, for anyone, they impacted their bosses, their coworkers, their subordinates, and everyone who did business with that agency by virtue of the fact that they were illegally involved in some form of behavior that was injurious to themselves and potentially those around them. If they had parents, spouses, children, or any familial relationships whatsoever, their relationships were damaged by the residual effects of addiction. Therefore, it is almost impossible to find an addict whose behavior harmed no one.

Making amends is difficult to think about for all addicts. They create imagined monsters which seldom materialize while making amends. Making the effort to rectify old behaviors is much less difficult than it is in the mind of an addict. Few who have performed these steps are heard to share that what was necessary to clean up their messes is too outrageous. Most feel that they have walked away from the process clean and free.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

As Valentine’s Day is upon us, we celebrate romantic relationships with cards and candy. However, relationships with a recovering addict takes a little bit more  consideration. While many people will come into their recovery experience within the parameters of a relationship, others will not. Many have divorced or separated from spouses due to their active participation in the addiction that brings them into recovery. Others will come into recovery single. Whatever stage of relationship you may be in, it will behoove you to learn the methods for dating at this time in your recovery. Even married addicts will find that they need to begin many aspects of their partnership or marriage on a new footing when they stop practicing an active addiction.

Regaining Your Emotional Balance

Emotional balance is difficult for the first several months, and begins to stabilize in time. However, the first months can be very uncertain for those who are feeling their emotions and learning to express them for the first time in many years. Active addiction robs each person the ability to participate in an emotional relationship with themselves, therefore with others as well. Addicts become so estranged from their own feelings that expression of them is impossible. Add drugs or alcohol to the mix, and there is little emotional experience for either partner. If they both drink or drug, they will both need to stabilize in their early recovery before they are available for emotional responses to their significant relationships.

Enter the single addict, who believes that they are ready for dating. Many treatment professionals will counsel that they remain outside a romantic involvement for the first year of recovery. This is a good idea, but few addicts will heed this admonition. Therefore, practicality suggests that there be guidelines set for them to follow in that vulnerable time. Although no recovering addict will admit their vulnerability, it exists just the same. Most consider themselves to be well on their way to lifelong abstinence. This is a scary time, because they are the last ones to recognize their own relapse indicators. One of the most powerful is becoming romantically entangled too soon into their recovery.

Things to Consider before Getting Back “Out There”

Since it will, most likely, take place, despite the counsel of wiser minds, here are a few pointers to follow when contemplating the romantic realm of dating:

If dating another recovering addict, be sure that you are clear on the idea of drinking and drugging. Being new to the recovery world is a drawback, because it is difficult to find activities within a safe range to participate in when abstinent. Be sure that your date does not include going to parties or bars where alcohol and/or drugs are going to be circulating. The discomfort of being with a new person and uncertain about the feelings brought up in this situation can easily lead one to drink or drug to “fit in” with the crowd. Be sure the other party understands that you are serious about this recovery.

Too often, it is the emotional imbalances present when beginning a new relationship that set off newly recovering addicts. Be sure to communicate your feelings of insecurity, longing, loneliness, and others to your sponsor and a supportive friend with whom you do not have a romantic involvement. Sharing these feelings with your new romantic partner or date might lead to them trying to take care of your feelings and/or validating them. This is an unhealthy situation, because that is not the role they need to play.

Allow yourself to enjoy the emotions of a new romance; they can be quite heady. Just also be sure to give yourself a great deal of support so that they do not take you into dangerous places.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for more than 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.

A New Year means a new resolution, and many people will be hitting the gym as a result. However, if you are in the midst of early recovery, paying attention to your health and fitness levels can be important for other reasons as well–one of which is the physical impact on the body of the active addiction. While there are treatment centers that provide analysis of a newly recovering persons’ health and provides fitness options, many cannot afford this type of treatment and are left wondering where to begin.

This is a difficult choice for those who have not been in the best of health to begin with. However, it is an important feature to address in early recovery. Because they may have many addictions to contend with, such as nicotine addiction, sugar addiction, caffeine addiction, and others that impact their health, but are not primary to their treatment regimen, they will have to structure their recovery to accommodate these things. Many who are addicted to drugs and alcohol will remain smokers and eat or drink things that are unhealthy and detrimental to a strict workout regimen.

While they may one day address these secondary addictions, their initial plans for improving their health through exercise will be less stringent for obvious reasons. Of course they will want to monitor their health by visiting a physician and following the recommendations given after ascertaining their basic good health, a beginning may be found in simple exercise that will be as innocuous as possible in order to avoid injury and danger to their health.

Walking is a good way to begin. Improving one’s breathing capability and heart rate is optimal for nearly anyone, but especially those who have been doing little physical activity and are feeling the discomfort of early recovery. The human body will go through many side effects during the process of recovery, but the early days will sometimes be acutely uncomfortable for nearly everyone. Obviously, the first days of withdrawal from medications and alcohol will be closely monitored by the agency they are in, or in a hospital setting, or by their family doctor. Medical assistance is highly recommended for withdrawal from substance abuse. At the point where the body is free from the effects of early withdrawal and is healthy enough to participate in activity of a physical nature, walking is a good way to calm the nerves that are heavily impacted by that physical withdrawal. As they heal mentally and physically, walking will give nearly anyone a more positive outlook on their process. If walking outdoors, the sunshine and fresh air are bound to increase feelings of wellbeing and happiness.

Learning to breathe, as in a yoga setting will also enhance early recovery. Toxins have been eliminated from the body and breathing deeply to continue the cleansing process is beneficial. Stretching and easy yoga poses are also good for helping to further cleanse the liver, kidneys, lungs and other vital organs after the detoxification process is complete. Most will feel more confident and energized by a simple stretching routine as found in beginning yoga classes.

The challenge for many addicts, who can often be classified as “all or nothing” types, is to moderately exercise. They will start out with a routine that is far too taxing for them, then fail to continue when they injure themselves or feel pain in muscles not used properly for some time. It is important to begin with small amounts of beneficial exercise and to grow a practice from there. It is not recommended that they begin with running a marathon, or even a mile, but to slowly develop a short walk of around the block and a few minutes of yoga breathing and stretching into longer periods of exercise over some time.

Kelly McClanahan has an MSW in clinical social work, with a specialization in substance abuse treatment. Having worked in this field for over 20 years, she is currently working on her certification as an addictions’ counselor.